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Bubba's Take on ASSCon-1Sunday, 05/26/96 (5pm - 4am)
Night Shift Dancers
ASSCon-1 Oh, what a night! Much like ALS's birthday party, this was one for the ASSC history books. An energy that buzzed all night long as ASSCer after ASSCer passed thru the CP curtain and joined in the festivities and camaraderie known as ASSCon-1. The office (and CP for that matter) was SRO for most of the night. And the evening's highlight? A stage show that was, I'm sure for most everyone who saw it, one of the most outrageous and wild that there has ever been. You just had to be there. After my arrival at 5pm and being greeted by our genial host ALS, LuvHotFoxz, and Doug and his friends, I immediately noticed the large "ASSCON-1" button painted on the wall right beside the original "ASS-C" logo. Talented artist MIA has done it again... the perfect landmark for the first-ever ASSC convention. To get in the convention spirit, I wore my Micky Mouse/Bubba hat that KAT graciously presented to me during her pre-ASSCon-1 party the night before, my trusty ASSC pin and a convention badge that David made for me identifying me as "Bubba, Perv-at-Large, SF CA". Buttons accumulated during the night as ALS unveiled his new ASSCON-1 buttons and KAT pinned a VERY limited-edition "Kat in the Hat" button on my shirt. And with TIKI busily lei'ing everyone in sight, me included... I wound up looking like a walking billboard for ASSCon-1... and damn proud of it.
HMS (High Mileage Seat):
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HQ (Headquarters):
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HMS: Afterwards, TIKI announces that there'll be a short break in order to set up for the next song and says "But don't worry, it'll definitely be worth it!" The long-absent sound of Thrill Kill Kult is cranked up on their boom box and here they come, both dressed outlandishy in feathers, boas and tutus... KAT all decked out in colorful balloons, and TIKI right behind her wearing a strap-on French tickler/prickly dildo... doing a slow-speed pursuit of our favorite feline and popping her "cherries" every chance she got! TIKI, yelping, squealing, her eyes dancing, as balloons are popping... At one point, the two of them were "prick-ing" so wildly that TIKI was screaming, "Stop or it's gonna fall off!" It was one of the zaniest, craziest sights I've EVER seen on a S-C stage. And judging by the screaming from the customers, ASSCers, as well as the dancers who were crammed in the Dancer's Den, it was for them also. Not incoincidentally, the entire tip rail was full after that wild number. Ace bolted from his HQ seat to gobble up the last available seat on "Mirror Row"; an astonished KIM couldn't resist joining LuvHotFoxz who looked equally amazed; Fingers was sitting in the corner, laughing in total disbelief... During their fourth song, they opened up a can of chocolate frosting and KAT began spreading it all over TIKI's t*ts. I made the mistake of saying "Hey that looks pretty tasty" as KAT iced a final coat on TIKI's full t*ts. KAT flashed a devilish grin, took a big handful of frosting from TIKI's t*ts, squatted in front of me and blap, wipe, wipe, wipe... all over my face, cheeks, and chin! I mean the sh*t was dripping off my face in chunks. Well, it *was* yummy. And TIKI wiped some on David's cheeks for good measure. The place went nuts! But this was just the beginning. KAT stuck two birthday candles into the frosting on each of TIKI's breasts and had ShyBoy and David light the candles up. Then the two dancers stood face to face and KAT placed her nipples directly into the candle's flames! Ouch! Then KAT opened her mouth and did a little fire-eating of each candle before extinquishing the flame. And as if this wasn't enough, TIKI made me stand up and lick the last of the frosting off her butt to close out the song. KAT, now nude except for a VERY strategically placed ASSCON-1 button opened the next number. As I sat staring at her new hood ornament accessory, KAT huffed with a smile, "Uh, Bubba, aren't you forgetting something?" Oh sh*t, where's my head at??? I hurriedly rolled up a tip for KAT's ornament... and I played tip tug-of-war with her once again. This time she hovered above me for all the club to see the degree of "pull". PJ, I think we have a winner in the hood ornament contest! Later during the song, TIKI produced a can of Cheeze Whiz from their bag of tricks and begins by scripting the letter 'A' on KAT's right breast with the spreadable cheese. Then she turns the can of Whiz over to Ace, who squeezes out 'SSC' across KAT's t*ts to complete a most de-lick-table ASSC spellout. The sixth and final song had TIKI dancing while waving... what is that? Could it be, it is... a big black dildo-on-a-stick... "Where's B*tt F*ck Doug?" she screams. And here he comes, suspended (while squirming) spread-eagled in the air by JP, LAAR, The Kid and other ASSCers!!! And before you could say "BFD", there's TIKI with her big stick BF'ing our favorite NBFD (now... BF'dD?)! It was UFB (Un-f*cking-believable)! By now all of CP was in hysterics! As I tried to collect myself after the show, sweet OPHELIA comes over with a stack of baby wipes, sits next to me and cleans all the frosting off my face. David smiled as he wiped the icing off his face, "Geez, I didn't know there was a cleaning service." ;-)
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Z Bone and I concluded our weekend-long lapdance bartering:
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Break: And sometime after midnight came ALS's announcement of the ASSCON-1 Dancer Appreciation winners... 3rd place: VIVA. 2nd place: TIKI. 1st place: NATASHA! Congratulations to them and ALL the dancers who participated in ASSCon-1. Also a BIG "Thank You" to the Staff and Management of the Chez Paree for their support in hosting this first-ever ASS-C convention. And of course, my deepest appreciation and thanks to the man who took it upon himself to make ASSCon-1 such a GREAT success... ALS. Thanks once again, my friend. ..And as lovely OPHELIA danced to Sinatra's "New York, New York" near the end of the evening, I couldn't help feeling somehow sad that ASSCon-1, the weekend, the event, would soon be coming to an end... But as I always say at the end of every convention, "C-Ya next year!" -BTH
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