I went to check out the new club that took over Bob's, which is now called "Classic Lady of OZ." It was pretty weird, but the club shows promise.
First of all, what's weird to get used to is that many of the club staff is made up of little people. The cashier, the doorman, and all the waitstaff were under 4 feet tall. After taking my money, the cashier told me to follow the yellow carpet to the seating area.
Once I was seated, my waitress, instead of offering me a drink, informed me that she represented the bartending league, or something like that. I guess the club has gone union.
I looked around the club. The DJ booth, instead of being out in the open, was in a curtained booth next to the stage. The DJ was one of the most obnoxious I've ever heard. He practically yelled into the mic, and every time he spoke, he set off all these flame effects and explosions. When I complained to the waitress, she informed me that I should pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
The entire time I was there, they had only one dancer on stage. Her name was Dorothy, and she danced at least three songs wearing a blue gingham dress and carrying a basket she let us put our tips into. She danced to some weird music, starting with the '80s band Toto, then segueing to Pink Floyd's "Dark Side of the Moon" -- the entire album!
There were only three other customers in the club: One guy wearing this funky metallic (lame?) suit and a little can of Astroglide sitting on the table next to his drink (what was THAT all about?), another guy who was kind of chubby and pathetic and jumped back startled every time the DJ played one of his effects, and a third guy who seemed to have more money than brains, and was tipping Dorothy like an idiot.
There were two dancers working the floor. One was this haggard old bitch wearing striped knee-high garters, the other was this super-pretty young girl in a white g-string wearing a tiara. The bitchy one asked if I wanted a lap, and when I said no, she lit a cigarette and threw the match at me. I guess I kind of snapped, and I splashed my bottled water on her, and she ran backstage screaming like I'd tried to kill her or something.
Finally the young dancer in the tiara offered me a lap dance, and I said yes. She took me into the booth, and there was this weird floater marching back and forth, singing this song by Morris Day and the Time, where he kept going, "Ohh eee oh, OHHH ohhh." The young dancer's name was Glynda, and unfortunately, her dance was all air. I figured she was just not nasty, but at the end of the dance, she asked me if I wanted to go home!
WOW! I thought this wouldn't happen until monkeys flew out of my butt.
As we left the club, I looked at the stage, and the dancer named Dorothy was wearing nothing but a pair of sparkly red pumps. What a babe... The DJ set the lights to this multicolored arc projected on the bright green curtain behind her. It was a pretty cool effect.
On the way out, Glynda stopped at the entry booth to sign out. I happened to glance at the sheet where people who use free passes have to sign in... Wasn't I surprised to see that ZBone had been there! And Benn... and StraDawg too! How could I have missed them?
Just then Glynda grabbed my hand and squeezed gently... "Close your eyes," she said, "and click your heels three times...."
It was like a dream cum true.
LilFrank |
